I Have Stars in My Eyes

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It has been a long day and an even longer few weeks. I have spent more of my reading time on forums and help chats and FAQs for Blackboard 9.1 than I care to think about. For those of you who do not know, Blackboard is a “comprehensive education technology platform” software which is as easy to use as learning a new language from someone with laryngitis who is unable to read or write.

Why do I bring this up? Mostly because my reading fiction is way off course.  I have been reading the same books for weeks and have gotten almost nowhere and it is October and I haven’t even looked at a horror title yet nevermind thought about my list of 13 days of Hallowe’en Reads. And then I picked up this book:

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir)

As I mentioned Monday, it was a seven day loan and even in the middle of preps and online students coming unhinged and my coming unhinged and kids and laundry and life, I stopped and I read. And so help me, I laughed. It was a very schadenfreudian laugh but damn did I need it. And I finished it in 3 days. THREE days! And there is so much I want to say about this book and about Jenny Lawson, who has got to be the most awesome person ever and who I would stalk and then never actually have the nerve to talk to if I was near her, and about how this book is why bloggers deserve to get book deals but for tonight, before I pass out, I had this realization.

It is possible that my book rating system is fatally flawed.  Maybe, just maybe, instead of stars, because let’s face it stars have been done to death, I need a timeline rating. Maybe there is a direct relationship between how good a book is and how much time I make for reading it.* Possibly a new system would be:

  • under a week is rocking, brilliant, excellent;
  • 1-2 weeks is groovy, fab, cool;
  • 3-4 weeks is OK, passable,  unobjectionable;
  • 2-3 months is “well I finished it”; and,
  • over 3 month is put the damn thing down and give it up already.

But what kind of icons would I have for that?

 *I am going to exclude things like Michel Foucault’s Discipline and Punish or Finnegans Wake by James Joyce because, fuck, those just magically make time stand still.  Like, if you ever want to put off a root canal or tax prep, seriously just pick up some The Phenomenology of the Spirit by G.F. Hegel and you are set.